Gamers to sleep well tonight after voodoo witch doctor caught placing curse on PlayStation Network

Federal authorities have captured self-proclaimed voodoo witch doctor Demetrius Shampion De La Schwartz in a wooded area near Paques Haiti.  The 59 year old witch doctor is accused of placing a “curse” on the PlayStation Network which had resulted in recent outages affecting millions of gamers.

In cooperation with Haiti officials a team of U.S. investigators tracked Schwartz to a small hut where he allegedly would place curses on people, places, or things for a price.  A laptop recovered at the crime scene was believed to have evidence of bit-coin and PayPal transactions from as far away as Singapore.

The exact nature of Schwartz crimes is not fully understood but there was apparently enough evidence to issue a warrant for his arrest.  Neighbors say Schwartz was a well known and respected witch doctor who used his powers only for good.  Leaked photographs from inside Schwartz’s hut showed a toy Sackboy – Sony PlayStation’s mascot – with hundreds of push-pins pressed into it’s head, body, and limbs.

It is believed that Schwartz placed the curse on the PlayStation Network after being banned for using the PSN ID “ilikedicks”.