WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that has stunned tech leaders and delighted nostalgic internet users, President Donald Trump has announced his intent to sign an executive order renaming the internet back to “America Online.”
“The internet used to be great. It used to be ours. It was called ‘America Online,’ and quite frankly, it was much better that way,” Trump said during a White House press conference on Monday. “Now, we’ve got all these global companies, foreign interference, and people saying ‘www-dot’ like some kind of password hacker. We’re bringing it back to what worked.”
The executive order, titled “The America Online Restoration Act,” proposes that all government documents and websites officially refer to the internet as “America Online,” and encourages private companies to do the same. Federal agencies would also be required to transition all official email addresses to “@aol.gov” by 2026.
“Make Dial-Up Great Again”
Trump’s move has drawn mixed reactions, with some pointing out that America Online (AOL) was a private company that no longer operates as a standalone brand. The President, however, dismissed such concerns.
“Look, I don’t care who owns what—AOL was the best. You signed in, you got your emails, you had your chatrooms, and then you logged off. Simple. Not like this Wi-Fi nonsense,” Trump said. “We had those great little CDs, they gave you hours of free internet. We’re gonna bring those back too. It’s gonna be tremendous.”
When asked about how this policy would be implemented in a modern internet era, Trump seemed unfazed. “We’ll figure it out. Maybe we bring back dial-up. People say it’s slow, but you know what? It made people think before they went online. We need that.”
Opposition from Congress
Congressional leaders from both sides of the aisle have expressed skepticism.
“This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard,” said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “I am not calling the internet ‘America Online.’ That’s like renaming the ocean ‘Splashy Water.’”
House Speaker Marjorie Taylor Greene, however, voiced her support. “It’s about patriotism. We have to remind people that America invented the internet. If we let China take over, soon we’ll be calling it Beijing Online, and I won’t stand for that.”
Implementation and Next Steps
The White House has already begun taking steps toward implementation. Federal employees have reportedly been instructed to sign off emails with “You’ve Got Mail!” instead of traditional closings, and early reports suggest a new federal website—WelcomeToAOL.gov—is under construction.
When asked about net neutrality, cybersecurity, and broadband expansion, Trump waved the concerns away. “Those are details, folks. Right now, we’re focused on branding. Once we fix the name, everything else falls into place.”
As debate over the proposal continues, the administration remains firm in its stance. “People loved America Online. We’re gonna bring it back, and everyone will thank me,” Trump said. “Trust me—when you hear that dial-up sound again, you’ll know we made the internet great again.”
