The Institute of Erectile Dysfunction in Zurich Switzerland has completed a decade long study concluding that certain video games will cause erectile dysfunction.
Dr. Omar Al-Khalid Stein released the following statement:
“After a very extensive and expensive ten year study we have been able to reproduce the dangerous side effect of excessive video game playing – the most notable of which is erectile dysfunction.”
Dr. Omar isn’t the first to suggest a connection between impotence and gaming, but after a major research grant was issued to him by the European Union, Dr. Omar wasted no time in setting up the study.
“We had over 5,000 subjects from over 40 countries. The majority of which were from the United States and Canada. Initially we couldn’t find a correlation no matter how hard we researched, then someone suggested the possibility of a correlation between ESRB ratings. Within minutes the mystery was solved.”
The ESRB (Entertainment Software Ratings Board) is an organization that rates video games based on their content be it violence, sexual imagery, etc. The goal is to keep consumers informed of their purchasing decisions. Formed in the mid 1990’s the ESRB ratings are so integrated into the advertising and packaging of games that some believe the purchasing public are blind to their notices. Ratings range for E (for everyone) to M (for mature), with a few titles garnishing an AO (adults only) rating.
Dr. Omar’s study has concluded that a very specific list of M rated titles have a 74% chance of causing permanent ED. But not everyone is happy with these results:
“I have received a variety of anonymous death threats, many of which I suspect are from game manufacturers who are worried the results of the study, specifically the list of games most likely to cause ED may hurt software sales. I’m not scared, and will not be intimidated. Within a few years I imagine the ESRB will publish a new game rating: EDE Erectile Dysfunction for Everyone.”
The study has yet to identify the effects, if any, on female gamers.
